Self-conception of communication

Matias Linder posted 4 months ago, 2 Responses
1.	Tendency to interrupt and comment while the other person is speaking – probably originating from a southamerican/latin cultural way of interacting, which clashes strongly with e.g. a British style of interaction. Over the years of working on an international environment is that I became aware of this and the possible implications it may have had with my colleagues (most of the time people do not raise the issue). To change this, I had to observe the reactions/behavior of people and adapt my style, many times forcing myself to stay quite until the other person has stopped speaking. This was done not without effort!
2.	Tendency to believe that something that is relatively easy for me, may not be so for other people, and expressing this without the consideration of others. The reaction that was triggered by this was that people felt uncomfortable and feeling perhaps negative about themselves, and probably finding my behaviour arrogant. I was told about this behaviour by a colleague and since then I have started to observe my reactions and try to manage them.
3.	A few times, though relevant ones, people have interpreted my actions/behaviour in a certain way, different to the original intention. I reacted by not paying too much attention to people’s reaction and this has affected me (my image r the perception people have of me) in negative ways. I came to realise that it is much more constructive and beneficial to all to avoid the easy way round it, and dedicate time and effort in clarifying the situation, the intentions, and what led to misunderstandings. 
4.	Many times people perceive me as highly arrogant. I was told about this, so this is a fact. I do not know why people have this view, if it is by what I say or how I say it, or if it is by their own psychological complexities (probably both things). Many of those times, once people get to know me, they change their minds in opposite direction. I try to become aware of this and open up to people so that they get to know me better. Many times, though, I can see people are not interested in getting to know people!

Dear Matias,

thank you for these insights. I believe it is also important who says that you are arrogant. What is the person’s cultural background, and what did this person experience BEFORE meeting you?

BR, Daniel

Indeed, I usually take that into consideration since I believe that the way people perceive others is conditioned by their history, psychology and cultural context. But I also think that to connect with somebody we need to be aware how we are perceived by them, so that we can aim at removing any barriers that may stand in between the connection one is trying to establish.