We are all on our own path

How to cite this journal: Author, Date of the post, WMO Conflict Insight, Title of the post, ISSN: 2628 6998, https://worldmediation.org/journal/

ABSTRACT *

This reflective essay considers what nature teaches about human individuality and what this means for mediation practice. Drawing on personal experience and on observation of plants and horses, the author argues that human beings share the same biological principle and the same striving for inner peace, while differing greatly in development according to circumstances, history and life experience. The pandemic serves as an illustration: the same event is experienced by one person as an opportunity for reflection and by another as a source of anxiety or danger. From this the author concludes that reactions which appear incomprehensible deserve to be taken seriously, that no single method of personal development suits everyone, and that deep listening, critical thinking and wise speaking are the basis for understanding others and creating a trustworthy space.

KEYWORDS *

Mindful mediation, individuality, nature, empathy, deep listening, self reflection, personal development, non judgment, readiness for change, pandemic, trust

INTRODUCTION

Nature has always served us, humans, as great teachers. It can help us to develop personally. How else? We are part of nature. Whether in bionics (technologies adapted from nature), astrological navigation, or philosophical questions about life. Already Leonardo da Vinci observed birds flying until he was convinced that he could build a flying object by himself. Likewise, numerous spiritual and philosophical teachers, such as Siddharta Gautama, have seen truth and insights while spending long periods of time in nature far away from civilization. There are countless examples in the history of humanity. We still learn a lot from nature today. Even though we might not always be aware.

Growing up with my horse, caring for newborns and their mothers as a nurse, hiking in the Himalayas, or spending weekends in the hot springs by the river in northern Thailand have certainly had a more lasting effect on my evolving than most school lessons.

“Nature is a single unit as conceived but is dissimilar in its various manifestations. It is the principal model from which every conscious being can draw examples in order to elevate their own free and independent personality.”

MAIN CORPUS

We are all equal in our general functioning and strive for the same inner peace. However, the development of each individual can vary greatly depending on history and life experiences. Even though we have evolved, we are and remain part of nature, part of the natural ecosystem. Even though our instincts and intuition have been replaced by new technologies over the last century, we remain living beings like our ancestors. We are biological organisms that function according to certain physiological, psychological, and biochemical processes.

In general, the development of an individual from its creation to death follows the same principle. In individual cases, however, there can be remarkable differences due to various factors. While observing nature around us, obvious parallels between humans and our ecosystem can be seen. In every plant and every other living organism, there are individual differences, depending on the external conditions of life. Thus, a plant sprout grows, flowers, and reproduces in the same way as any other of its specimens. However, depending on circumstances such as crossing, location, weather conditions, and pollination by insects, the result in the form of fruits can be very healthy and full-bodied or ill and very weak.

This is also the case with a herd of horses, for example. The origin, birth, and growing up follow the same biological principle. As well as illness and death. But individually in each case, each horse can differ greatly. One is stronger, tougher, and may even dominate the whole herd after the hierarchy has been fought for. Another may be much weaker and therefore might even lose fights for food and fall ill. In between, there are again several greyscales and deviations.

So we humans are equal at the core of our being. We should not differ by politics, religion, or culture. At least this is the ideal conception, which unfortunately does not correspond to reality in many parts of the world. At the same time, however, we can be very different and individual case by case. In addition, our ability to think and remember differs significantly compared to animals. Because of the cerebral cortex with a higher number of nerve cells and more surface area due to increased folds and furrows, humans are able to recognize causal connections and act according to ethical-moral principles. Self-reflection, anticipation, and self-determination distinguish humans from their related primates. Depending on the conflicts, problems, and dramas to which we have been exposed, challenges in everyday life can be perceived quite differently.

For some people, the corona pandemic, for example, is a chance to reflect on their own lives, to learn new skills for which there is otherwise no time, or even simply to spend more time with their family and themselves. For others, this time can mean a lot of anxiety and sorrows in regard to financial problems or health issues. Or perhaps emotionally if someone has to find a way in an unhealthy, violent relationship for weeks in lockdown. I’m sure we all could imagine more and more examples here.

There are certainly studies about the psychological and physical influences that a pandemic like this has on a person. In the individual, however, this can vary greatly. Depending on how we are emotionally, physically, and mentally positioned. Which living conditions and which resources we have. And how we thereby reflect ourselves and further develop as emancipated beings.

SUMMARY *

The essay’s argument rests on a single distinction. At the level of biological principle, human beings are alike: the same course of growth, the same needs, the same striving for peace. At the level of individual development, the differences are decisive, because circumstances, history and experience shape each person differently, exactly as they do a plant or an animal within its own species. From this the author draws a practical consequence for anyone working with people in conflict: a reaction that seems disproportionate is intelligible once one knows what shaped it, and since that knowledge is rarely available, suspending judgment is the more reliable stance.

CONCLUSION

In summary, we respond differently to life events, challenges, and things that are said, heard, or done, even though we are generally the same as humans. The reaction of another person may not always be understandable. But it should be taken seriously and it should be accepted. You can never know exactly what has shaped a person in their past and why they have become the person they are today.

I believe that we are all on our own path. That we can learn from every event and that we can give meaning to even the darkest times in our lives. Because only in this way we can grow and develop. Life is full of challenges that shape us and make us the person we are today. You might know the saying, that “Getting lost is never a waste of time.”

When dealing with other people, we should always keep in mind that we all have a different life story and therefore may not be able to judge the actions of an individual. So it may be that a certain method helps me to develop personally or to deal with emotional wounds, but exactly the same method can have no particular effect on another person. We are all at different points.

Even though a conscious and healthy lifestyle with a balanced diet, proper sleep, sports, meditation, and social life, in general, is beneficial to the mental, physical and spiritual health of everyone, the respective expression of these things may vary in individual cases. One person regularly goes to the gym, the next has discovered yoga for himself or herself, and the next to find balance in dancing, jogging, or swimming. Also in nutrition or other things. We all know numerous views on which diet is “the right one” or which method of meditation is most effective. The opinions differ widely think in the end everybody has to find out for oneself and stay open to new things. You cannot tell anyone else the right way for him or her. As long as you don’t hurt yourself or others, everything is fine.

A change can only come from yourself and only you know deep inside yourself what is right for you. Unsolicited advice usually meets with contradiction. Only when someone opens himself and wants to learn from the experiences of others, there is a basis for a lasting change. As an old Buddhist saying says: “When the student is ready, the teacher comes automatically.”

‘Deep listening, critical thinking and wise speaking’1 enables us to understand other people’s problems and to respect their individuality. This is the only way to create a good basis for solving problems sustainably and enabling a trustworthy space. We should always maintain our empathy and not forget that we all have our ups and downs. We all encounter life’s lessons and challenges again and again. Every single one of us!

And we are all on our own path.

POTENTIAL SOLUTION *

The essay states a principle that mediators endorse readily in the abstract and abandon quickly under pressure: that a person’s reaction makes sense from where they stand, even when it appears disproportionate from where we stand. Translating that principle into practice is a matter of specific habits rather than good intentions.

The most useful of these concerns the moment of surprise. When a party responds to something small with an intensity that seems out of proportion, that response is information rather than obstruction: it indicates that the small thing has touched something larger. The disciplined move is to become curious rather than to manage the reaction away, and the question that opens it is simple. What does this mean to you, or what does this remind you of, will often reveal in a sentence what an hour of argument about the substantive issue would not.

The essay’s insistence that no method suits everyone applies with equal force to mediation itself. Practitioners develop a preferred approach, and it works, and they begin to apply it to everyone. Some parties need to tell the whole story before they can consider any option; others find the story unbearable and want to negotiate immediately. Some need silence to think; others experience silence as pressure. Reading which kind of person is in the room, and adapting accordingly, is a large part of what distinguishes an experienced mediator from a well trained one.

Two qualifications belong alongside this generous view, and they matter precisely because the essay is written from a position of goodwill. Understanding why someone acts as they do is not the same as accepting what they do; a mediator can hold both, comprehending the history behind a party’s conduct while being entirely clear that certain conduct must stop. And where the essay writes that everything is fine as long as no one is hurt, the practitioner’s difficulty is that harm is often exactly what is at issue, sometimes invisibly, as in the situation the author herself names, of someone confined with a violent partner. Non judgment about how people live is a virtue; non judgment about harm is not, and knowing where that line falls is among the more demanding parts of this work.

Finally, the essay’s opening image deserves to be taken more literally than it may have been intended. Practitioners in this field carry other people’s distress, and the resources it names, time outdoors, physical activity, rest, relationships, are not decoration but the means by which the capacity to listen is renewed. A mediator without those resources listens less well, judges more quickly, and is more likely to want the session to end. The care the author commends toward others begins, unavoidably, with the same care directed inward.

* Added by the WMO Editorial Team

REFERENCES

References:

Erdmann, Daniel – World Mediation Organization Training Content 2020 – www.worldmediation.org

Supplementary references added by the WMO Editorial Team

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin, Boston (unconditional positive regard and empathic understanding).

Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (3rd edition). PuddleDancer Press, Encinitas.

Kabat Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion, New York.

Bowling, D., & Hoffman, D. (Eds.) (2003). Bringing Peace into the Room: How the Personal Qualities of the Mediator Impact the Process of Conflict Resolution. Jossey Bass, San Francisco.

Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages of Change in the Modification of Problem Behaviors. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390 to 395.

Bratman, G. N. et al. (2019). Nature and Mental Health: An Ecosystem Service Perspective. Science Advances, 5(7).

World Health Organization (2020). Mental Health and Psychosocial Considerations During the COVID 19 Outbreak, Geneva.